This week in 2014, I wrote a love letter.
It has been one year since you left us, and the hole in my life is still as gaping and wide as it was on December 9, 2013, the hardest day, the day we said goodbye.
Your body had started to fail. You could not breathe very well, constantly panting and wheezing with every breath. Your back legs would not cooperate and I suspect you fell down the stairs more than once, never (thank god) breaking any bones, but even the thought of it breaking my heart. I wanted to build you a ramp or get a little chair lift for you but I know you would’ve been too proud to use it. On our walks, Moose and I were always happy to walk slowly, you trudging doggedly along, in more pain than you let on. You stopped more frequently to rest and sniff more grass and flowers than ever. Toward the end, you even caught a mouse on one of our treks through the field. Misty the Mighty Hunter. Eventually, you stopped walking with us. You couldn’t get your body to move like it used to. Still, you sat and watched the valley like a queen surveying her domain.
How can we go on living without you? The answer is, we do not. You are with us every day. We think about you all the time and embrace your spirit. We talk about you and remember those things you would’ve loved or hated.
Your photos on my desktop make me feel close to you, and I remember and miss so many things. I miss the toss of your head when I’d come home, you trotting out to greet me at the road. I miss putting my arms around you and hugging you. I miss our walks. Moose misses you, too. Oh sure, he absolutely loves being the sole beneficiary of all the treats, food, and attention, but I can tell he would be over the moon if you were to suddenly walk through the door. I would be, too.
Many things have changed since we said goodbye. We are thinking of rescuing another pup and giving it a home. We know you’d approve. But, know this, no matter how much things change, you are indelibly written in our lives and will never leave us. We all love you and miss you, Mist, and I’m so grateful for the great memories I have of you, such a beautiful, beautiful girl.