How to Suck at Growing a Garden (Without Really Trying)

Frost-bitten zucchini plant

The photo below could be of Cthulhu’s long-lost terrestrial cousin or, perhaps more likely, could be the remains of my zucchini plant. It, along with cucumbers, flowers, and precious heirloom tomatoes, were bitten by the teeth of Jack Frost this week and never recovered. Nature, that brat, just loves to keep things interesting. I’ve had a garden for four years and I’m still quite the amateur. However, I could turn pro if we’re talking about how not to grow a garden. So, without further ado, here are five tips on how to suck at growing a garden (without really trying). 1. Let healthy intentions, not reality, dictate how much to plant. This was the year you were going to eat a green salad every day for three months, wasn’t it?  And who doesn’t love zucchini bread? So why not plant five rows of lettuce and fifteen zucchini plants?  Besides, you should plant ten times more … Continue reading…

Slug Racing and Raspberry Leaves

Despite my still-firm commitment to my New Year’s Resolutions, um, goals, I’ve been a feeling a bit slow this week, like a slug crossing the road. Slower than a slug, actually. This little one actually made it across the rain-soaked road in a matter of minutes. Not bad for someone with only one foot. Speaking of having only one foot, it’s time for an update on the Morton’s neuroma. Here it is: I still have it. The series of steroid shots did nothing. Incidentally, that is also exactly what my employer-sponsored health insurance plan covered. So, apart from a depleted bank account and a sour taste that gurgles up into my throat whenever I recall this failed $600 experiment, I still have an unhappy foot. So, this week in 2014, I did a little work in the raspberry patch. Remember how it looked last week? This is the “after” picture I promised. … Continue reading…

Super Villain Bug and Appreciating Life

This week in 2014, I hosted whatever Super Villain Bug has been making the rounds.  Stress and other factors may have invited this strain of crud into my body but, like a clueless relative, it then proceeded to take up residence without permission or any kind of hospitality on my part.  In fact, I even actively engaged it in pharmaceutical combat. However, this probably did more to prolong the agony than if I’d just sucked up the misery for a few days, but that’s a good lesson, too. I will say that watching my body duke it out with Super Villain Bug for nearly six days has given me a renewed appreciation for my health. Having lost all but six hours of my entire work week to this nasty microscopic life form, I turned a corner on Thursday and decided to give it the boot. I’d just had some of … Continue reading…